"such a reckless wave, drowning in wonder..."

i know it's only october but...

winter is coming. i can feel it, taste it, smell it, breathe it...it's coming. there is just something familiar and comfortable about winter. especially this year...normally i'm kind of a grinch but i guess my heart multiplied in size over the past year. or, you know, i might just be happy it's winter. either way.

...the cold air is lovely. somehow it makes everything smell pleasant and makes me want to drink hot cocoa by the fireplace.
...i'm excited about wearing sweaters...especially the ones whose sleeves cover your hands halfway, so you can pull the ends around your hands if they get cold.
...i'm pretty sure that no matter how old i get, i will always think it's funny when i can see my breath on the cold air.

i love winter. i'm just so ready for it...it feels like something new is beginning, and that excites me. and trust me, that's a weird thing for me to say, because i'm usually Queen of the Change-Haters. i never was a big fan of newness...you know, comfort zones and all that. we all have them. but this year i like change, and i want something new, and i'm ready to be radically moved by Christ.

have i mentioned i'm ready for winter? cause i totally am.

"why would i ever worship wood and stone? things that cannot hear or speak at all?"

i am in the middle of a "big life decision." i've kind of known for a while that i would have to make this decision, and i knew it would be right about now. but there are new variables i didn't expect.

i tend to overcomplicate decisions and forget to trust God...and some good friends have been reminding me a lot this year how important it really is to trust Him. so, in order to set myself a reminder, i've been drawing a symbol on my wrist: the Aramaic word 'rechats.' it means 'trust'...and it's specifically the word used in Daniel 3:28-29:

'Nebuchadnezzar responded and said, "Blessed be the God of Shadrach, Meshach and Abed-nego, who has sent His angel and delivered His servants who put their trust [RECHATS] in Him, violating the king's command, and yielded up their bodies so as not to serve or worship any god except their own God. Therefore I make a decree that any people, nation or tongue that speaks anything offensive against the God of Shadrach, Meshach and Abed-nego shall be torn limb from limb and their houses reduced to a rubbish heap, inasmuch as there is no other god who is able to deliver in this way."'

i know that God is sovereign.
i know that no matter where i go next semester and in subsequent years, He is still by my side.
i know that the abundant life is not classified by a longitude and latitude.
i know that there is no other god who is able to deliver us the way my God can.
and i think i know what i want to do for next semester. i think it just scares me a little bit, because it's not going to be easy. and even though i know life is not supposed to just be easy, that doesn't make it any less scary.

so i'm going to look to what i know. there are a lot of things i don't know...but i can look to what i know.

"now you are a lioness. and now Narnia will be renewed. but come. we have no time to lose."

there's so much on my heart today. i love moments like this.

"For You formed my inward parts; You wove me in my mother's womb. I will give thanks to You, for i am fearfully and wonderfully made; wonderful are Your works, and my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from You, when i was made in secret, and skillfully wrought in the depths of the earth; Your eyes have seen my unformed substance; and in Your book were all written the days that were ordained for me, when as yet there was not one of them." --Psalm 139:13-16
there are some things that have been engrained in me since i was very young. one is the idea that God wants to be a part of our lives because He loves us and wants a personal relationship with us. but do you know what i never really gave much thought to? the fact that He wants ME in HIS life. not needs...wants. which is just somehow way cooler. i mean...He wanted me so much that He made me one very certain and unique way. different from all the others in a way i don't understand.
people often say that we are all masterpieces...which is so true, and i love the imagery. but when i think about God wanting me and making me a certain way, for some reason i think of baking cookies. you get a craving for an exact flavor and texture; you know that you want cookies and you know exactly what kind you want. so you make them, and you throw in some extra ingredients not found in the recipe because you want them exactly the way you like them. you put tons of work into making them just right. and then you bake them, pull them out of the oven, let them cool, and enjoy them.
i guess what my weird analogy is trying to say is that God wants us, designs us exactly the way He wants and knows is best, puts plenty of work and love into making us perfectly according to the design...and then when the work is done, He wants to enjoy us. i mean...no one actually NEEDS cookies. but that doesn't mean we don't want them...

"A time is soon coming when we will all have to choose between what is right and what is easy." --J.K. Rowling
i think that very often in life we give up trying to make a change or get out of our comfort zone because it's a difficult thing to do, and we think that means we shouldn't do it. thing is, last i heard, "difficult" is not synonymous with "wrong." we like to imagine that when we are doing things right, everything will be easy and nothing will be unpleasant. i'm pretty sure that's not how it works. i'm also pretty sure that the only "good" thing about comfort zones is that they are comfortable. but even a nice big comfy couch gets really boring after a while if you never get up from it...

"How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God! How vast is the sum of them! if i should count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand. when i awake, i am still with You." --psalm 139:17-18
God really does work in ways that are so much bigger than we could ever imagine. He really does things we can't understand, and He really loves us more than we will ever know.
He really is there.
He really doesn't have a smite button.
He really does have plans for you..."plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future."
He really does know you, and He really does care.
He really does want you for a lot more reasons than just to raise church attendance.
He really doesn't buy it when you try to be fake.
He really moves in the hearts of His beloved in radical ways.
He also really is even more excited than we are about spending eternity together. Course, He also has the upper hand on that one cause He knows just how much eternity's gonna rock. My bet is that it'll rock quite a bit...

can you ever just be 'whelmed'? i think you can in Europe...

...i'm excited that i'm actually excited about music again.
...i need to go buy some essential school supplies. which is awesome...cause that's basically the only kind of shopping that i like!
...i'm rediscovering some music that i forgot i even had. i love when that happens!
...i left my house at 7 and won't be home till after 10...sad story. fridays are such long days!
...i'm pretty pumped that after tomorrow, i'm done with GOVT 2301.
...i am absolutely ECSTATIC that things are starting to come together with my prerequisites for nursing school. we shall see where i end up a year from now but my hopes are very high!
...i am pleased to realize that this is one of the best weeks i've had in a really long time.
...i am looking forward to spending next weekend in huntsville with my bearkat homies! they basically rock!
...i am actually sticking to my diet, which has been a struggle.
...i am pleased to report that, though school had started to kick my booty at the start of the fall semester, I am now kicking SCHOOL's booty. :)
...i am now going to make my way back down to northlake's piano practice rooms so i can relax and make some music before government tonight.

what a great day... :)

"she never flaunts it but she is the envy of the debutantes"

i don't think it's ever been more real to me that God is my best friend. people say it in church all the time, like, "yeah, Jesus is my home boy!" or, "God's my BFF!!"...or whatever it is they say...
but, i mean...He really is. because whether you like it or not, there will be times when He's the only one you can talk to. and i'm also pretty confident that He gives the best advice. and being silent before Him can say more than all the words floating around in your mind. you can go to Him in any situation, whether you need to rejoice or mourn or dance. He knows you completely. you can tell Him anything. He loves you no matter what. He'll never leave your side.
and those are just a few reasons.

i guess i've been thinking about this a lot lately because i haven't really had a "best friend" in my life lately...at any given time in my life, i've usually had at least one person that i felt comfortable going to with any situation. right now i don't, really. not to say that i don't have great friends...i have AMAZING friends. and they love me and would sit with me if i needed to cry, or talk, or whatever. i'm extremely grateful for them, and i believe that i am very blessed indeed. but my point is...unlike times in the past, i don't have that one person whose name immediately pops into my head when i need to call someone, or who i hang out with as much as i can, talking about life and God and everything there is to talk about.

so i've noticed a pattern. i'm talking to God more. i don't always rush to pick up my phone and call someone whenever something big happens. more and more, i'm wanting to sit and talk with God...with my best friend. and it's nice to know that, even when i don't have a "BFF!" i still have my best friend.

after re-reading that it sounds kind of cheesy. oh well! it's true. :)