i heart this song.

a song that i really like by regina spektor..."Apres Moi"...it has stirred up a lot of interesting discussion.

'I must go on standing,
You can't break that which isn't yours
I must go on standing
I'm not my own, It's not my choice

Be afraid of the lame, they'll inherit your legs
Be afraid of the old, they'll inherit your souls
Be afraid of the cold, they'll inherit your blood
Apres moi le deluge, after me comes the flood

I must go on standing,
You can't break that which isn't yours
I must go on standing
I'm not my own, It's not my choice

Be afraid of the lame, they'll inherit your legs
Be afraid of the old, they'll inherit your souls
Be afraid of the cold, they'll inherit your blood
Apres moi le deluge, after me comes the flood (x2)

Fevrale dostat chernil i plakat,
Pisat O Fevrale navsnryd,
Poka grohochushaya slyakot
Vesnoyu charnoyu gorit. (x2)

Be afraid of the lame, they'll inherit your legs
Be afraid of the old, they'll inherit your souls
Be afraid of the cold, they'll inherit your blood
Apres moi le deluge, after me comes the flood

I must go on standing,
You can't break that which isn't yours
I must go on standing
I'm not my own, It's not my choice.'

--the Russian part is from a poem by Boris Pasternak, who wrote Dr. Zhivago. it translates:
'february. get ink, shed tears.
write of it, sob your heart out, sing.
while torrential slush that roars,
burns in the blackness of the spring.'

--the song also has some pretty spiffy piano parts, and i pretty much love regina's voice...so, yeah. idk why i felt the need to share that. haha

"instead of trying to conform, we could defy what they tell us...if we're brave we can believe in what we are."

i'm diggin the ways God works.

i was having a bad morning...haven't been feeling well cause i just started a new medicine, and i was also just kind of allowing myself to be kind of bitter. as much as i love my classes and really want to be a nurse, for a few days i've been thinking how i wish i could just give up, it's just too hard. even though i know better...that's what i was thinking.

so i get home, thinking that i am going to walk in the door and head straight for the couch to take a nap. but my mom teaches piano lessons on tuesdays, and the family that was there are old friends. the mom is a pharmacist and, having just recently found out about my change to nursing, came in to talk with me. she sat me down and said, "when i heard you were going into nursing, i just wanted so much to talk to you and encourage you...i'd like to tell you my 'life story'."
so she started telling me about some medical problems she was dealing with, and how much having her pharmacy degree helped solve some big problems with that. she also told me that it was not her decision to go to pharmacy school--her mother set her on that path. that was over 20 years ago...and just in the past weeks, she was able to realize how thankful she is that her mom sent her to pharmacy school. she told me, "i think it's so great that you are choosing to do this...and i want to tell you, it's going to be very hard, but push through it. you will be so glad you did. and someday you will be able to use this education for so much...enjoy this learning process."
so basically the Lord sent me exactly what i needed, to be reminded why i believe this education is well worth the effort... and to show me a friend's life story, so i can see that i haven't set myself an impossible task...and most of all to humble me. it was humbling for a lot of reasons...one of the big ones is that in my mind i was not being very patient with her while she told me her long story. but when she was done she thanked me for being patient and not interrupting her. i was just like...oh man...

in any case, i just wanted to share that story, cause i think it's pretty cool what God does and how He does it. He's basically awesome. :)

i just love this.

i've come back to this passage a million times, and i will probably return to it ten million more. what's so beautiful is that, as with all of God's Word, it is just as true and real as it always was.

There is an appointed time for everything. And there is a time for every event under heaven—
A time to give birth and a time to die;
A time to plant and a time to uproot what is planted.
A time to kill and a time to heal;
A time to tear down and a time to build up.
A time to weep and a time to laugh;
A time to mourn and a time to dance.
A time to throw stones and a time to gather stones;
A time to embrace and a time to shun embracing.
A time to search and a time to give up as lost;
A time to keep and a time to throw away.
A time to tear apart and a time to sew together;
A time to be silent and a time to speak.
A time to love and a time to hate;
A time for war and a time for peace.
What profit is there to the worker from that in which he toils? I have seen the task which God has given the sons of men with which to occupy themselves.

He has made everything appropriate in its time. He has also set eternity in their heart, yet so that man will not find out the work which God has done from the beginning even to the end.
I know that there is nothing better for them than to rejoice and to do good in one’s lifetime; moreover, that every man who eats and drinks sees good in all his labor—it is the gift of God. I know that everything God does will remain forever; there is nothing to add to it and there is nothing to take from it, for God has so worked that men should fear Him. That which is has been already and that which will be has already been, for God seeks what has passed by.

--Ecclesiastes 3:1-15

let the songs of the Lord rise among us. let the joy of the King rise among us...let it rise.

dear friends:

i have quite a few decisions to make in the coming months, mostly dealing with my education. if i let it, this could become a really stressful time for me...but i don't want to do that. i ask for your support, in praying for me to have peace and discernment, especially as i get closer to application deadlines for nursing school.

i do want to take a moment to rejoice in what the Lord has done for me thus far...He has proved Himself so faithful, especially during this difficult summer. sometimes i get disheartened about it all but then i look at how far He has brought me...He is teaching me so much about self-discipline and gentleness and humility...well, let's just say He's teaching me a lot. i am truly blessed and i am so thankful. i could let myself be overwhelmed by the situation which, honestly, i put myself in voluntarily. but i'd rather go enjoy the beauty that Christ has to offer in my life!

much love to you all! :)