"God has called us to come alongside people."

*disclaimer: this post is incredibly long and consist of much unintelligible rambling.*

that's a quote from Rick McKinley in one of his sermons...it really struck me, because it's exactly what the Lord has laid on my heart this past year or so. i began to truly understand exactly what this meant on a couple of different occasions...

first: in my wonderful experience with my fellow team members on the Holland mission trip. together, we learned how when God calls us to love, He doesn't just mean an emotion. He means agape/hesed love...a love which is not felt, but rather acted out unconditionally on those who don't even "deserve" it. but how is this love acted out? well, that's the beautiful thing. the Christian life isn't just about being a "good kid," but rather, even moreso, it is about walking alongside people, sharing Christ with them. Christ walks alongside us...and we are to follow that example. of course, that doesn't mean that you participate in things you shouldn't be doing along with others...that would gain acceptance, perhaps, but acceptance isn't something we need. it means that you live life with people, WITH them,and don't turn away when they do something you don't approve of. rather, LOVE THEM IN ALL SITUATIONS. live out that love, don't just say it. THAT will make the difference. cause none of us is capable of always being a "good kid"...but to show grace both when you mess up and when others do...they will see who you really are in those times.
so who are we? what is our identity? as believers in Christ, we are children of God, accepted, adopted, beloved...i could go on and on. so....now it's time to live like we are who we say we are.
i'm still learning how to do that.

second: in many of my experiences in the music community here at Sam. one of the first times i was ever in the presence of Dr. Allen Hightower, he said something i'll never forget: "how wonderful, to give something to someone who is incapable of returning the favor." what a wonderful thought, indeed...to love someone, to show real, agape love for them...even when they are incapable of returning that love.
i must say i've learned how often i screw up when it comes to loving people fully. but identifying the problem is the step that comes right before fixing it-if i choose do to so. and i do.

third: on the occasions when i return home from school. i have realized more and more how awful a job i have always done of loving my family. but experiences like those listed above have helped me to notice that problem and learn how to change it.

somewhere in the gospels, it talks about Christ dining with sinners. people not accepted by society because of the way they live. when questioned about what He was doing, He said that it is the sick who need care, not those who are well. and He said to learn what this means: "I desire mercy, not sacrifice."

basically...to attempt to wrap this rambling up...i have learned just how much love doesn't just mean love. it means walking alongside people. it means showing them who you are and genuinely wanting to know who they are. it means realizing that you are not "better" than them, but that you know a God who takes us all, broken and messy, and makes us into people we cannot become on our own.

i like that. i like that He loves us in our messiness. if it makes any sense...to me it makes my mess more beautiful to know that the mess isn't forever. and i'm loved right now, i don't have to wait until i'm all squeaky clean to be loved.

*good thing He understands my rambling...sometimes i'm not even sure i do!*
"the Holy Spirit intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express." --somewhere in romans 8? :)

"you're KILLIN me, Smallz!"

so the past few days i've somehow gotten back into that (all too familiar) funk. i don't know why i'm in it...that's kind of part of the funk. but i don't like the funk. it's just no good. i want OUT.

funk, funk, go away...and don't come back. ever. k?

"what would you do for a klondike bar?"

i leave for school in less than two days...and, let me tell ya, i am READY to be back there. i know it could be stressful, if i allow it to...but that's the beautiful thing about trusting in the Lord. i don't HAVE to let anxiety get the best of me. that's a lesson that i've had to learn, and sometimes relearn, a lot over the years. but i know that i've grown cause...i don't have to process it quite as much, generally. if i pull a stupid, and let myself get overstressed, i can recognize the signs quicker. and i know exactly where i need to turn--it's just a matter of doing it. so this semester: how's about applying what i've learned, eh?

it's struck me recently how this year, and in years past as well, the Lord has pressed upon my heart the concept of JOY. i can look back and see how it's shaped me. i can see the kind of person i was when i didn't choose joy, and the kind of person i was when i did. two very different people...i very much like the latter.

He's taught me about faithfulness...about His faithfulness to me, and about what it means to be faithful in my own life.

there are so many things, big and small, that the Lord has taught me. well, really, they're all big to me. and in the end, i have also learned to be thankful. thankful for what He has taught me, what He has given me, what He has brought me through. i am SO thankful for all the things He has brought me through. this year more than most. i look back onto 2006 and say a joyful farewell. joyful because of all the great things that happened, all the ways i have grown. and joyful, too, to leave behind all the not so delightful things i and my loved ones endured.

i am glad the year is new, because i find that i myself am a new person along with it. the Lord certainly knew what He was doing. and still does, i daresay. He's still bringing me through, and teaching me, and showing me His beauty. and praise Him for that! i have been so blessed.

i guess that's really what i want to leave you with. through everything, my gracious Lord has never failed to reveal His beauty. it has been revealed always in new and exciting ways, and it never ceases to astound. so with the new year, i ask you to look upon what the Lord has given you with new eyes, opening them to glimpse the beauty He has laid before you.

"How lovely is Your dwelling place, oh Lord almighty! For my soul longs and even faints for You! For here my heart is satisfied within Your presence. I sing beneath the shadow of Your wings! Better is one day in Your courts, better is one day in Your house! Better is one day in Your courts than thousands elsewhere! One thing I ask and I would seek: to see Your beauty. To find You in the place Your glory dwells!...My heart and flesh cry out for You the living God! Your spirit's water to my soul. I've tasted and I've seen; come once again to me! I will draw near to You!"
--Better is One Day