wherever you are, you're never close enough.

today was both great and terrible. i don't really know what to think, actually. part of me is just in this really great mood because of how much awesome stuff happened today. another part of me is really frustrated, angry, and sad because of how much really awful stuff happened today. i cried in front of some friends of mine, and i'm not one to cry in front of others. but i'm glad they were there, because i didn't want to be alone this time.

it just goes to show that you can't really depend on emotions. sometimes they conflict, and they can change at any instant. i don't really like emotions that much. so...i'm really glad i can just rely on the Lord instead of on how i feel. it makes me feel safer knowing that He loves me and is totally constant despite how terribly inconstant i am. i'm glad i can trust in my Saviour.

O to Grace how great a debtor daily i'm constrained to be.

i can't believe this is my first post of the new year--how is it february already?!?! time is flying by way too fast for my liking. there has been SO much on my mind lately, and i wish i could write it all down here. unfortunately i can't...but i'll write a little bit.

yesterday i was struggling with a couple of issues that, in hindsight, seem kind of silly--basically because my mind was completely focused on myself and my plan for how my life should go. but then i got called in to work (i've been working as a substitute caregiver for Weekday Ministries at a local church). they needed me in the crib room yesterday, and i was pretty excited. as always, it was a very enjoyable experience because i completely love those kids.

anyway, moral of the story...i was sitting in a rocking chair holding an eight-week-old girl, and she looked right into my eyes and smiled. and then i started to think: all of these kids were depending on myself and the other worker there to take care of them until their parents showed up. each of them is a gift from God to their parents. i couldn't focus on myself if i wanted to do my job right. i knew, once i started thinking, that in my daily life i have been focusing on myself far too much.

so i've been reflecting on all of this since that moment. i'm trying to realign my focus on Christ and i'm trying to remember His plan is better. and, well...that's me right now. to write what's been going on in my life for the past month would take forever, but that's what i'm going through today.