"when your heart's heavy i, i will lift it for you"

been in one of those writing moods all day. all week, really.
finally, an opportunity to put such a mood to good use.
so...
sitting in my desk chair.
writing mode officially turned on.
and this is what's on my mind:

the opportunity i had all through high school to disciple middle school girls (and be discipled in the process) was one of the highlights of my life. it is also the single thing i miss most about flower mound.

it breaks my heart to know that a summer job at pine cove just isn't in the cards for me this year. i've wanted to work there as long as i can remember...but this just isn't my year. we'll see if God leads me there in His own way and time.

i am so incredibly thankful that "success" actually depends solely on my relationship with Christ (a relationship dictated by grace, and by faith given me by the Lord). if it depended on grades, or work ethic in classes i really couldn't care less about, or what job i did or didn't get, or how clean i keep my room, or how well i stick to my diet...or any of the other things i can't think of right now that it doesn't depend on...
well, then i'd be a "loser".
fortunately for me, the victory has already been won. i succeed not because i do or have anything. on the contrary, it is because i am and have nothing without my Saviour. He IS my everything, and so i need never worry.
so, world: if i'm a loser by your terms, that's a-okay with me. your terms are skewed anyhow.

i know i've said it before...but i think that we have become very bad at encouraging people. i think we've forgotten in all our busyness how great it can be for someone to tell you what you mean to them. i think even though it might be scary, it's worth the risk. not because you'll feel better after you say something nice. but rather because by telling someone how much they mean to you, you can make their day that much brighter. what's more, it breaks down walls.
i would rather be honest and vulnerable with someone and feel incredibly stupid for it than never tell them and always regret it (for me, that's a big thing. me and vulnerability never did mix too well).

being a missionary has nothing to do with where you are and everything to do with who you are in Christ. it's so much more a lifestyle than a location. you don't have to preach Christ in Zimbabwe to be a missionary. the thing that is far more difficult than getting travel papers in order is living Christ out on a daily basis. point of being a missionary: live out Christ's love, and be conscious at all times that you belong to a place very much other than this one.
a missionary friend of mine said something i'll never forget: "I just love them till they ask why."
you don't have to go to China, or Mexico, or Europe, or anywhere else to do that. this whole world is equally NOT our Home. i wish i would live every day really KNOWING that.

something that struck me really hard the other day: rather than wishing for something "more," be ever so thankful of every tiny encouragement and blessing. if you stop seeking out marvelous moments in life, then when they come unexpectedly (as they should) they will be that much more marvelous. trust the Lord, let Him guide you through every moment. there's nothing He's incapable of leading you through.

i wish i could remember more often that every moment can be lived to the glory of the Father. then, after remembering it, i wish that i would actually do it.

i don't know if any of that makes sense when my brain tries to turn it into words. oh, well. praise God, as always, that "the Holy Spirit intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express."