so. today.

"riff-raff, street rat, i don't buy that, if only they'd look closer...would they see a poor boy? no sirree. they'd find out there's so much more to me..."

"sometimes we build walls. not to keep people out, but to see who cares enough to tear them down."

i have trouble writing blogs. no one would ever know...but i really do. i've lost count of how many times i have written a really long blog entry and then deleted it because...well...a lot of different reasons. usually the reason is that i'm afraid to let that much of my heart be laid bare in a public forum. even tonight i wrote an entire blog, and then deleted it to be replaced by the one before you now. it's one of my many complexes...the things i really love to write about never make it past anyone's eyes but my own. maybe someday i will write one of those truly open-heart entries and just hit the "publish post" button before i change my mind. maybe someday. we'll see. we'll see if i even publish THIS.

i don't even want to say how many times i have edited just this one blog entry. it's just sad.