"and i, i can see their eyes...tell me something, can they see mine?"

apparently...

...missing home comes in waves. a wave is hitting me this weekend and it hurts.

...i feel extremely...disconnected...from flower mound and everything going on there. i want to be connected to it. but there's only so much you can connect yourself to flower mound from Hillsvegas. and when you can't get in touch with people...or for some reason your friends aren't as open to talk to you as they used to be because, honestly, you don't know each other as well as you used to...it makes it really difficult.

...i almost don't want to go home this coming weekend. i'm planning on going, and i won't have been in 3 weeks. which isn't an incredibly long time, but this weekend worked out because i was actually AVAILABLE to come home and my brother will be in town. plus my mom, who i know is having trouble with the "empty nest" stuff...is completely ecstatic that i will be there. how can i not go?
i'm just kind of scared to because, like i said, i feel so disconnected from everyone there. i fear what it will be like to go back, and it seems easier to delay said return for as long as possible.

i still don't know if i'll end up going. i mean, i will...won't i? strange how even though i miss it, i don't want to see my home.

time for some serious reflection and prayer and time in the word. only way i'll figure out what the next appropriate step is to take.

God is so loving and gentle and PRESENT...so amazing that even now as i struggle He is faithfully working in my heart. praise Him for His unending love...